The Irrevocable Fear of Being Perceived

How the narratives others create define us—and the struggle to reclaim our own image.

There is a primal terror in being seen. Not just noticed, not just glanced at in passing, but truly perceived—laid bare before the judgment of others. To exist in the minds of people outside of ourselves is to surrender to a narrative we cannot control, to accept our complexity might be reduced to a single characteristic which may define how someone sees us forever.

We curate ourselves so carefully, crafting an identity with deliberate precision, choosing words, expressions, and actions that align with the person we believe ourselves to be—or, more truthfully, the person we wish others to see. But the tragedy of perception is that it is not in our hands. No matter how painstakingly we construct our self-image, it is only ever as powerful as the interpretations of those who observe it.

And therein lies the fear: What if they see it wrong? What if they take the worst parts of us and make them the whole? What if they take the best and dismiss them as insincere? What if, despite our endless attempts at control, we are doomed to be misunderstood?

"We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are." — Anaïs Nin

Anaïs Nin’s words strike at the heart of this dilemma: people do not see us as we are, but as they are. Their perceptions of us are shaped by their own fears, biases, and experiences, which means that no matter how much we try to present ourselves a certain way, we will always be subject to the lens through which others view the world.

We live in the space between who we believe ourselves to be and who others perceive us as. And sometimes, we let the latter take precedence. We become our reputation, the whisper of our name in someone else’s mouth, the assumptions people make when they hear our voice or read our words.

We fear being misread because we know how little effort it takes for perception to become truth. A single moment—a nervous laugh, an awkward interaction, a misjudged silence—can define us in someone’s mind forever. And the terrifying part? That version of us, the one we never intended to be, exists just as much as the version we see in ourselves. Perception is not a reflection of reality but a creation of it.

And so we adjust. We refine, we recalibrate, we contort ourselves to fit into the frame others have constructed for us. But in doing so, do we lose something real? If we are always performing, always angling for the best lighting in someone else’s perception, at what point do we become a distortion of our own making?

Misconception

There is something uniquely painful about being misunderstood. It is not just the sting of misinterpretation, but the helplessness of knowing that no amount of explanation can fully reclaim our image from someone else’s mind. We want to be known, but only in the ways we approve of. We want to be seen, but only in the light we choose.

When perception turns against us, it can feel like losing control of our own narrative. Someone calls you cold because they didn’t see the trembling of your hands beneath the table. Someone calls you arrogant because they mistook your silence for superiority rather than shyness. Someone calls you weak because they don’t see the war inside you that you fight every day.

It is in these moments that we wonder: If no one sees us the way we see ourselves, then who are we really?

Liberation

Perhaps the greatest act of self-preservation is to relinquish the need to control perception. To accept that we will be misunderstood. That our image will be refracted a thousand different ways through a thousand different minds, and none of them will ever be entirely accurate.

To be human is to be misperceived. To be human is to exist as a multiplicity, an ever-shifting reflection in the eyes of others. And maybe that’s not a tragedy. Maybe that’s just part of the strange, beautiful, terrifying experience of existence.

So the question remains: Do we keep fighting to be seen exactly as we want to be? Or do we make peace with the fact that, no matter what we do, we will always be a different story in every person’s mind?

- L